"Poems From The Heart"

We grew up...

2008-03-04T16:32:00.000+08:00

At the sushi bar we sat - we chatted,
Feeding each other with a bit more information about our life.
It felt as though it's been so long since we've actually catch up.
You and I

At the sushi bar we sat - we wondered,
After all these years of knowing each other
Neither one of us have thought that we would be who we are today.
So much had changed in us.

At the sushi bar we sat - I observed,
The way you sit, eat and behave.
You did not change a bit.
You were still the Eric that I once knew.

At the sushi bar we sat - I realized,
Our situation, perception, temptation, struggles and the road we choose to take
There were so similar in a way...
Yet our stands makes us different.

At the sushi bar - We understood.
We grew up.
At the sushi bar we sat- We made a promise.
Ten years from now
we will come back to the sushi bar
and talk again, like 'old' times.

3am

2007-10-14T03:21:00.001+08:00

It’s times like this that I miss you the most.
The cold lonely nights at 3am.
It seems just like yesterday that I felt that you were here.
The warmth of your embrace, your body next to mine

I close my eyes as you gently slide your fingers to hold mine.
Holding me like you would never let me go.
Giving me the best feeling that even sight couldn’t comprehend.
As I fall asleep slowly by your side.

It’s times like this that I try not to open my eyes,
For I fear that you would just disappear into thin air, just like a dream.
And sometimes I wonder if you felt the same.
If only I know who you are.
If only I know.

The Heart.

2007-10-13T11:11:00.000+08:00

Give it a thought, go search the heart and find what happened inside.
Lying to the mind that the wound isn’t there and there’s always hope.
Even with the big horrid cut with additional deep stabs around it, so obvious.
Will it ever heal or would the wounds get infected more.
Look deeper inside and ponder more, would hoping really help?
Hoping for anything that would not let your wounds slowly kill you.
Instead, as day by day passes, emptiness wipes the fears, hurts and hopes away.
It vacuums the heart and makes it meaningless to do anything about it.
Numbness would be the only feeling left and the heart would feel no more.
So now, let the heart convince the mind that there is nothing here for me anymore.

2007-09-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

Hands still shaking
I don’t know what prompt me to look through the photos
I thought I was going to be fine
Or though I am fine.

Panting breathlessly as I just sit here
Silence, with the picture of you and I.
Mere movements of images in it.
Reminded me of the pain.

Pause, ponder upon the past.
I know blaming you for the hurt was wrong.
Yes, the problem lies in me too.
All that love leaves me with is fear.

Deception.

2007-09-19T17:21:00.001+08:00

Just when I though emotions gave up on me
And feelings fail me
I am proven guilty.

Saying I did not miss you seems so wrong.
As I look out from the glass window,
My reflection, right next to you
We touch. Almost.

That same brown jacket you wear
That had the smell I am almost too fond of.
It reminds me of the warm feeling of your embrace.
Was it just yesterday that you held me close to you?
Whispering to me, reminding me of how much you love me.

Hold on. Am I losing you?
Or it was I, which dare not face the fact that I can’t call you mine anymore.
My hands feel so cold now. The words fade away swiftly. You seem too far away.

Saying that I do miss you seems too awkward.
As I look out from the glass window.
Gazing at each move you make.
You stayed in my sight for only a minute or two,
Yet, I have to admit that I could feel a little again,
Having those memories we shared deep within me brings me to another day of deception.
To another level of feelings that I, myself can not be sure if I would survive any longer.

From a third point of view.

2007-09-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

You really make me wonder.
If there's something that you had been hiding.
Something dark that you are ashamed to disclose.
Why the pragmatic self?
And the reason for your action is?
Have you been allowing your heart to turn cold?
I feel the tense around us.
Doesn't tears help lighten the pain?
Why the anger, frustration and depress thoughts?
I see bitterness; it overwhelmed you, didn't it?
Why not speak it out?
Have you lost faith in those around you and even yourself?
Please don't pretend to be all-so-strong. You know you aren't!

Why do you still dwell in bitterness of the past?

2007-09-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

Maybe things might be better if I did pack my bags that other day.
Fly off to another place and time where my heart longs for.
Maybe that would ease the hurt that I've held for so long.
Away from the trauma of waking up to the irony of it all.

Deception, STOP following me.
I just want to run...
Run from the truth, everything and everyone else.

The cut in my heart, the blood on my hands.
I've earn it all. My doings. My faults.
Regrets, I have too many

When would I learn to let go?
When would I stop blaming others and myself for my fate?
The ego that I had detained within,
Will it be my weakness forever?

The consequences of my mistakes,
Even 'sorry' would never be enough to obtain forgiveness.
Foolishness of the past, will always linger.

Sister's Love

2007-06-22T13:08:00.000+08:00

My only sis,

Looking back all these years,
I thank God for you.
A sister that He forgot to give me in blood relation.
But even so, I would have loved you the same.

We used to have so much to argue about.
Although there’s still not much different now.
We eventually accepted the fact that,
We were so different in our own way.

Through out the years
We’ve grown so much.
And I believe so did our love for each other.

The love we share, would last for eternity.
They say blood is thicker than water.
But not in our situation.

All that we’ve been through.
I want to thank you for everything.

THIS you must know.
That I would not give up on you.
And that I would always love you.

So don’t you dare think that you’re alone.
You have me.
Through the hard times,
Please remember me and know that I would be here for you.

Love always,
Esther

Living In Agony

2007-06-18T22:31:00.000+08:00

Played in fire
Pushed the limits
Bend all rules
Flirt with love.
Done it all.
Still, what's left of me?
A bitter soul abandon outside alone
Cold..
Just so cold...
Sour, pain, depress and a sadist in a whole.
Looking around for hope,
A tiny hope.
Bullshit. What's hope left?
T.R.U.E. L.O.V.E. is 8 letters, so is BULLSHIT.
Lies. The truths are lies because we cannot accept reality.

2007-05-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

Behind it all...

Behind your smile, I could see sadness.
It’s the broken heart, isn’t it?
Or a love so deep and strong that’s just waiting to unleash itself.

Behind your eyes, I could see a spark of hope.
Something that you try to kill,
Yet, you still hold on to it so badly.

You try to hide your irony, I could see through it all.
Looking for a little more bliss and luck in love, aren’t you?
Be strong, I know you’ll one day find the fated one.

2007-02-11T16:02:00.000+08:00

Losing myself.

Somehow, I felt crappy. I felt as though I had lose myself in a lot of things. Reality hits.
Somehow, I realized the change, but choose to ignore. Situations get worst. Reality hits.
Somehow, I feel like crying now, but could not shed a tear. Reality hits.

2007-01-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

Fear

Late at night I sit alone,
Looking up into the pitch-black sky,
Wondering what it was that I’m searching for,
Asking myself why am I feeling this way.
Fear creeps within me as chills run through my veins.
And I realize that fear had always been within me.
Will I let fear overcome me, then?
Or maybe it already did toke its effect on me.

And to whom can I turn to?

2007-01-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

And to whom can I turn to?

The feeling inside, you’ll never know
The fear that I’ve concealed
The loneliness I did not illustrate
The disappointment I hide so well

The moment I’ve been waiting for.
The love I am still searching.
The confidence I never got.
The security I yearn so much.

Until then,
The genuine me, I will never show.

“Do you remember today, 2 years back?” On 25 Dec '04

2006-12-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

"Do you remember today, 2 years back?"
Was the simple question that I asked myself
As past memories flooded my mind
I could remember every single detail that had happened that very day.

"Do you remember today, 2 years back?"
Was the simple question that I asked you
"I remember." you answered
"And I miss Esther, the 'Esther' I knew 2 years back."

"I remember and I miss the ‘Esther’ I used to know"
Was the simple answer that you gave me
As I reflected who I were before
I could feel my heart bleeding.

"I remember and I miss the 'Esther' I used to know"
Was the simple answer that you gave me
"'Esther' did change" is my answer
"And honestly, I miss 'her' too."

Life, we met at one of the roads we were walking
Shared a thing or two and not long after
You made me realize that we’ve parted
No, it was not you; it was me that left. I changed.

Life, the roads we take sometimes has no u-turn
I choose to walk that way, thinking it was what I desire
And you again, made me realized what that
The road that I was taking was not what I had always yearned for.

Decision.
We make them.
Then they turn around and make us.
And sometimes, they break us.

I’m sorry for disappointing you, the day I walked away
I’m sorry for placing fear in your life, the day I walked away
If I could turn back, I would not make the same mistake twice
But for now, the only thing I can do is to find my way back to the right road.

Thank you for making me realize
The things that I had overlooked all these while.
Thank you for making me realize
That you and me miss 'Esther' very much.

2006-12-25T03:51:00.000+08:00

"The Call" (edited from my previous poem PHONE)

"Hello"
Your voice faded in to the background of silence
Yet, I couldn’t utter a word of reply.
I’m stuck, I’m lost.

Staring at my phone was all I could do
Nothing more, nothing less
As tears flow down my cheek
Words could not express the way I felt.

Oh! I wanted so much to call you
I wanted so much to hear your voice
I wanted so much to tell you how much
I LOVE YOU.
I wanted so much to know if you felt the same way too.

Day by day pass
They were so cold and cruel
And I was left with the motion of irony
The irony of that call I should have made.

I guess I’ve let fear overcome love
Till I never had enough courage to made that call,
For that very call, I know
Could have made the whole difference, or maybe not.

Letting you go was not easy...but I have to.

2006-12-21T15:28:00.000+08:00

Letting you go, was not because I didn't care anymore
Letting you go, was not because I didn't like you anymore
Letting you go, was not because I’m in the arms of another person
Letting you go, was not because I have lost my feelings towards you

If you must know, I still do like you
If you must know, I still miss you so
If you must know, I still find it hard to let you go

Knowing that I did had you once, really breaks my heart
Knowing that I did had you once, I blame myself at times
Knowing that I did had you once, really makes me regret much

I have my reasons why I wanted it out,
I have my reasons why I choose to let you go
I have my reasons but I am not able to explain anymore

The moments we shared, I will always keep in my heart
The memories that I’ve had with you, I will always cherish with everything I have.

Looking back now, if I was given one chance, I would not change a thing.
*You just don’t know how much you meant to me.*

If only...

2006-12-01T08:23:00.000+08:00

If only I could lie next to you every night and feel your warm body next to mine.
If only I could be in your arms every night and fall asleep feeling so secure.
If only I could wake up every morning to the sound of your voice.
If only I could have you right here, right now, with me.
If only…

untitled

2006-10-02T16:13:00.000+08:00

I closed my eyes
Imagined you were by my side
We were so close
I felt your lips touched mine
It was so real
Yet I was only dreaming, or WASN’T I?

You were different...

2006-09-24T08:45:00.000+08:00

I still remember the first time I notice you,
You were laughing at me.
I laughed too.
There's something that attracted me to you.
I don't know what it was.
Is it the way you look at me?
The way you smile at me?
The way you talk to me?
I don't know.
But the times spend with you were pleasant.
You make me smile, you lit up my life.
Under the moonlight, I think of you and beam.

You were different.
You gave me back something that I thought that I had lost.
That is the smile on my face.

If Only

2006-08-09T20:10:00.000+08:00

If only I could regain strength, a little bit will do.
If only I could find comfort, a little bit will do.
If only I could have hope, a little bit will do.
If only I could receive protection, a little bit will do.
If only I could own love, a little bit will do.
If only I could have someone to wipe my tears away, one person will do.

Take some time off

2006-06-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

Slow down,
you don't know what you are missing in life.

slow down,
you are letting all the good things in life pass.

we often live on fast tracts.
never knowing the beauty of life.
what a pity.

if only we would slow down.
if only we would slow down.

Lord, I need you!

2006-06-03T02:37:00.000+08:00

Emptiness creeps into my life, when I put you aside.
Loneliness fills me, when I left you.
Fear grips me, when you are far from me.

I can’t stand on my own, no more.
I can’t live on my own, no more.
I can’t hold on, no more.

I need you in my life!

I’m sorry that I let go.
I’m sorry that I went away.
I’m sorry that I left you.

Ps:
How many times have I broken your heart, still you forgive, if only I ask.
How many times have you heard me pray, draw near to me?
Coz everything I need is you, my beginning and my forever.

The day I remember

2006-03-31T17:51:00.000+08:00

The day I remember,
Is the day I open the eyes of my heart.
The day I remember,
Is the day I see who you really are.

The day I remember
Is the day I open my heart to you
The day I remember
Is the day I accept you into my life.

I'm smiling again.

2006-03-31T17:38:00.000+08:00

I’m smiling again,
I’m finally smiling again.
No more hurts could turn me back,
When the sweet memories floods my mind.

Thinking about everything you’ve done.
Thinking about the times you were there for me.
Thinking about the comfort and encouragement.
Thinking about the times you never gave up on me.

I’m smiling again,
I’m finally smiling again.
Because I have found myself,
This time, it’s in your loving arms.

Mess Up

2006-02-06T01:00:00.000+08:00

Sitting around thinking about what I have just said,
I realised, I am not that certain about many things in my life.
Guess I am quite a mess up person after all.

I just do not know what you see in me.
Through those times, I have made you sad.
It breaks my heart to know what I have done.

In life, we might not choose to take the same path.
However, no matter which different path we choose to walk,
In our hearts, we will be satisfied that we did meet in the crossroad of our life.

BUT if it is by God's will that we walk the same path,
Then blessed be His will and not ours be done.
With that, no matter what, hand in hand I promise you that we will walk the road to the end of the journey until we meet God.

It is true that it is not about the past or how we have started.
Nevertheless, it is just how we go through things and stick with each another, in the process,
That is what matters in the end.

Because of love

2006-02-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

Why the agony and tears when we love each other so much?

Why all the waiting that seems likes a waste of time?

Why the barrier and obstacles that seems like a mountain high?

Because all we need is time to know each other better, first
before we start anything we will not be able to continue
without understanding each other.

It is Because Of Love.

_-_-_-_-_-_

We have been through this topic many times
Nevertheless, each time I will give you the same answer.
The reason I asked you to wait is not only because
I cannot let go of the past,
It is also because I love you.

Because I love you,
I want to know and understand you better first before starting a relationship.
I guess you are right,
Building a strong foundation is the first step to a long lasting relationship.

As time pass I cannot deny that
I love you more and more each day.
There are also times that
I am tempted to accept you and be your girlfriend,
Still in my heart, I know it is not the time yet, to do so.

I know it may be kind of weird and silly for two people
That loves each other to not be together
Because of these reasons,
However, it is not that simple to for two people
That loves each other to be together too.
It is just not that easy...

I miss you

2006-02-03T20:08:00.000+08:00

I woke up feeling lost.
Felt as if I was falling
From a very high place.
With no one around
To catch me at the end.
You seem so far
So far from me,
Out my reach.
Where are you?
I miss you.

Finally...

2006-01-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

Finally...
Here I am in my room,
lying all alone on my bed,
with only you in my mind.

It did not cross my mind
that there would finally come a day,
which I would fall in love with you.

What toke me so long to realized that?
What kind of irony is this?

Was I so blinded by my own past that
I couldn't see you being there for me?
Was I that selfish to not realized that
you were by my side all along?

Here I am wishing
that you were here now,
with me, by my side...

Would you just hold me now, to take away the fear?
Would you kiss away the pain & make me alive again?
Would you wipe away the tears of my past that I have cried, for me?
Would you stay with me forever & show me the true meaning of love?
Would you? Would you?

Do not only love now... Love me a lifetime...

My Promise to You

2006-01-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

When u are sad,
I may not be able to always put a smile on ur face or give u comfort.

When u are angry,
I may not be able to always calm u down.

When u are uncertain,
I may not be able to always show u the right way.

When u feel discourage,
I may not be able to always give u encouragement.

When u are hurt,
I may not be able to always make u forget the pain.

When u think no 1 understands u,
I may not be the 1 that understand u fully.

When things go wrong in life,
I may not be able to always help make it right for u.

I'm sorry if I may not always have the right words to say
or I may not always have something to say either
but I really hope that my silence, in a way or another
can help u in whatever u are going through.
Because actions does speak louder than words.

Maybe the most I can do is to be there for u
when ever u need someone around.
So, if ever there comes a time
when the world turn it's back on u,
please remember I WON'T!

I CRIED

2006-01-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

I cry
not knowing if it's worth the agony
I cry
not realizing how much it actually hurts inside
I cry
not knowing what else to do
I cry
not having comfort beside me
I cry
not wanting to accept the words that I've heard
I cry
not because of me but you
I CRIED~
and end up feeling very silly over it.

I'll never...

2005-11-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

I'll never...

I'll never love again
the way I loved you.

I'll never care for anyone again
the way I cared for you.

I'll never feel that way again
the way I felt for you.

I'll never be attached again
the way I was attached to you.

I'll never be devoted again
the way I was devoted to you.

I'll never tolerate anyone again
the way I tolerate you.

I'll never be concerned about anyone again
the way I was concerned about you.

I'll never serve anyone again
the way I served you.

I'll never laugh again
the way I laughed with you.

I'll never cry again
the way I cry for you.

I'll never smile to anyone again
the way I smiled to you.

I'll never wait for anyone again
the way I waited for you.

I'll never be sad again
the way I was with you.

I'll never fall for anyone again
the way I fell for you.

I'll never let anyone hurt me again
the way you hurt me.

I'll never be that happy again
Coz...I am happier now without you!

Why?

2005-07-28T21:11:00.000+08:00

Why do I always find myself waiting for the moment to be with you?
Why do I always find myself feeling so happy when you are around?
Why do I always find myself dreaming of being in your arms?
Why do I always find myself thinking about you and me being together?
Why do I find myself asking questions which I dare not know the answer?

How did you do it?

2005-07-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

How did you do it?

How did you make me see the differences in you

While I saw similarities in others,

How did you make me look at you all the time

When I was trying not to look at anyone else
during that significant time,

How did you make me yearn for your smile

Every day and every time you walked passed me,

How did your voice reach to my heart

Instead of my ears unlike everyone else,

How did you stand so close to me

Yet I felt you were so far away from me,

How did you make me notice you are over there

However, you were beyond reachable,

How did you make me think of you each time I do
something

Even though it got nothing to do with you,

How did you make me feel that you are always
around me

Even though I already know, you were not,

There are no relevant nor logic answers to these
questions,

However, there is one thing that Im really sure of,

I have fallen in love in you.

thankz, tien yi.. your poem is great :)

Only a fool would love so, I am a Fool !

2005-06-18T11:59:00.000+08:00

Of purple rose and
sound of falling sand.
My tears row down
like river flows.

The feeling inside
no one can tell.
How my heart yearns
to find yours.

Is love a trick
or a magic spell?
That breaks the heart
and leaves it to blead.

Of many years,
many searching.
Of many finding
and many seeking.

Of many years of waiting
for the moment of truth.
Of many moments
the truth awaits.

Only a fool would do so,
Only a fool would love so.

If I ask for your love
to be exchanged for mine,
What answer will you give me?
That i want to know.

I love you so...
but your love,
will i recieve...

Trying too hard...

2005-06-03T15:45:00.000+08:00

Trying to find the reason for living.
Trying to find the purpose of my existence.
Trying to find my identity in this life.
Trying to succeed yet failed.
Trying to do the right things but was always wrong.
Trying to be the best and somehow realized the fact that I’m never good enough.

Trying to live up to your expectations
Trying to live up to your dreams
Trying to live up to your hopes
Trying to be what you want me to be
(But I let you down too often)

And I hate myself for that!

For Everything, For Nothing

2005-06-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

For every mistake I’ve made.
For every pain I’ve cost.
For every sorrow I’ve brought.
For every regrets…

For every little thing I should have done,
That would have made all the difference.

For every chance I should have toke,
That could change everything in my life.

For every change, I should have made long ago…

For everything that I’ve done that is always wrong,
For every tear drop won’t turn back time
For letting go and moving on with life as it is, is hard!

Loving You... Is So Hard... (Still Waiting)

2005-04-28T18:53:00.000+08:00

Sitting here,
waiting for your call.
It feels like eternalty,
each second and minute.

I coundn't sleep in days.
Do you know how does if feels like,
Just waiting for your call?
Or is it the question ... will you ever call?

I love you,
but do you feel the same?

Will You? (Leaving)

2005-04-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

Will you miss me, if I tell you that I’m leaving?
Will you miss my smile, if I tell you that you are never going to see me again?
Please tell me because I need to know.

Will you still remember me, if I’m already gone?
Will you still remember my smile, if I tell you I’m never coming back?
Please tell me because I need to know.

I’ll miss you,
I’ll miss your smile,
I’ll remember you,
I’ll remember you smile

So please tell me if you’ll miss me.
So please tell me if you’ll remember me,
Because I’m really leaving
And today’s the last day we’ll be together…

*I guess I can never get to call you mine.

2005-04-20T21:07:00.000+08:00

It was love at first sight
The time I saw you through that door
My heart melted away
As I saw your smile.

Each move you make
Each word you say
I try to remember
Don’t want to miss a thing.

I wish I toke the time to know you
I wish I toke the time to talk to you
I wish I toke the time to tell you
How much I adore you.

Guess I was too shy
Or just scared to tell you
the feelings I have for you
everything behind each
time I smile at you.

Wish I had you in my arms now
Wish you could feel my heard beating
Wish I could hear you tell me
“I LOVE YOU”

Feeling regret I am,
For letting every moment pass
Without telling you know my feelings.

Memories is all that I have now
As you will always remain
In my heart forever.

*I guess I can never get to call you mine.

Ecclesiestes 3:1-3

2005-04-15T12:59:00.001+08:00

Ecclesiestes 3:1-3
Time changes things,
Time changes people,
Time changes everything under the sun,
Time changes everything unless it's true

True courage,
True friendship,
True love.

Time to love and time to hate.
Time to think and ponder about
"Will you still remember me?"
even after I leave.
or is it going to end now?
at the end of the junction
which leads to the next turning of our lives.

I know I'll be leaving the times spend
leaving the joy and happiness
You've bought in to my life.
But one thing we won't be leaving behind
is the memories of both of us.

A sence of happiness fills me
each time you are near,
Your presence is all that make my day,
A day to look forward for
A day worth living for.

Each simple conversation we had,
Each time you unknowingly
put a smile on my face,
means a lot to me,
and did make a difference in my life.
I just want to thank you for it.

I really don't know how things will end
but i do know one thing
It's that our friendship will never end
and you will always remain
in my thoughts... forever.

useless

2004-12-04T11:04:00.000+08:00

sitting here feeling useless
i'm nobody
who cares about me?
who cares about how i feel?
nobody!

depress of my life
after all these years
nothing seems to work out my way
nothing seems right
i hate my life so much

what is this?
why am i living in the first place?
why why why?
useless life!

Never love again

2004-11-27T18:54:00.000+08:00

I had too much
Why must it always end this way?
After too much heartbreak
Everything feels so worthless

I'm tired of all those lies
I'm sick of you and your silly self
Why do i have to go through so much pain
Just to realise love isn't there to gain

I had too much
Been in too many relationships
Too much break up
Too much till nothing can mend
My acking heart back again

Thinking each time
"He'll be different"
But now i know all guys are the same
They hold your hand
They kiss you good bye
They make you cry
They leave your heart bleading

I'm tired of love
Dont want it again
I'll never love again
Since the only thing it brought
Is pain and sorrow into my life

Friends

2004-11-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

Days come days pass,
Friends come friends go,
I am here waithing,
To see who will truly stay.

Thank You

2004-11-23T11:40:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought no one cares
You were there to hold my hands
Just when I thought everything would end
You were there to catch me in time
Just when I thought everything had gone wrong
You were there to make it right
Just when I thought I was not going to make it
You were there to carry me through
Just when I thought there was no one there for me
You were right next to me regartless time

You never got tired of me
I really dont know what you see in me
How I had done so many wrong things
How I've broke your heart so many times
How I had loose my temper and got on your nerves
How I've not appreciate you all this while
Oh! how I stumbled and fall
Oh! how I did not noticed
Nomather what I am,
You still love me.

I'm writing this poem now
And it's dedicated it to only you
To tell you that I'm sorry
I love you and will always do
Each word pared up with a tear
I realised how important you are to me, now,
And how much I love you
Sorry it might be a little late
Hope you will forgive me

If it was not because of you
I may not be living my life
The way i am now
Without you,
Right there for me always :)

Too Long, The Feeling Has Gone

2004-11-20T23:22:00.000+08:00

Erm… well I was finding it very hard to sleep when I suddenly had the urge to write this poem… i like this poem very much...

Too Long

The feeling has gone
I’ve waited too long
You want me back now
Sorry to say
It’s already too late.

The feeling has gone
I can’t have it back
For you I’ll truly try
But somehow
It doesn’t seems right

The feeling has gone
Why must you make me wait so long?
I was passionate for your love once,
But it somehow dried up along the way.

The feeling has gone
You made me feel so lost
So please teach me how to get
This feeling back again.

The feeling has gone
I blamed you for asking me to wait so long
I blame myself for letting the feeing go
But it’s useless to blame now
Coz the feeling I once had for you is now history.

The feeling has gone
I thought it would last for long
But there is nothing I can do or say
To make this feeling came back and stay.

The feeling has gone
I suggest we move on
Leaving the past
Moving on with the future

We had parted our ways once,
We can do it again too
Maybe one day fate will bring us
back together again
or maybe we might not meet again

But no matter what happens
I will still remember
The feeling I had for you
And how I’ve waited too long,
Till the feeling has gone.

The Hardest Way To Love

2004-11-11T23:07:00.000+08:00

Hardest Way To Love

The worst way to miss someone is when that person is sitting right next to you but you know that you can’t have that special someone *-* read the poem to the end and you'll realised that it's a very stupid poem.. or i think it is...

Do you remember
That other day
The sky were bright
The air were fresh
The birds sang their wonderful song
And the colorful fishes
Swimming around in the
Stream nearby?

Do you remember
That other day
We sat together
Under the orange leave
Of the big shady tree
Talking and talking
Sharing our
Deepest desire and dreams
And almost everything
That came through our mind?

I remember that day very well
It was the day that I told you
That I liked someone for a long time
But I didn’t say who,
But deep in my heart
I wish you would know
I was talking about you

It was that day too
That you told me
The girl of your dreams
The girl that you love
The girl that melt your heart
The girl that you want
To spend eternity with
And the girl
that you were talking about is
my best friend Mandy.

I pretended well
I acted so well
Too well till you
Did not noticed
The hurt inside of me
How deep the cut was
It beaded like it’ll never stop

I even let you hold my hands
As you showed me
How you would hold hers
If only she was yours
You said you’ll never let her go
I wish you’ll never let mine go

The feeling I had inside of me
Was indescribable
You don’t know how I felt that day
How I wanted to let my tears stream down
And tell you
How much I love you
But I didn’t

Indeed the worst way
To love someone
Is when that person
Is sitting right next to you
But you know fair well
That you can’t have
That special someone.

I know that you heart
Has already been given
To someone else
And all I can do is
Wish you happiness
Because when I see you happy
I’ll be happy for you too

ALL Alone

2004-11-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

i always had this feeling inside me all along therefore i penned it down...

Alone

I’ve never wanted to be alone
I’ve always wanted someone to talk to
Or someone who will talk to me
While I listen patiently.

I’m not happy now
But who can I turn to?
Who can take the hurt and pain inside of me?
I don’t see anyone there for me
Anyone that would hear my cries

I’ve never wanted to be alone
Like I always do
I wanted so much
For someone to hold me
But there isn’t anyone
there when I reach out.

There is no one I can talk to
There is no one I can turn no
There is no one that can lend me
a shoulder to cry on.
For a moment I finally realized
There is no one that will be there for me

“I know you are busy’
‘Sorry to disturb’
are always the last line
when I talk to someone
I understand that everyone
Has their life to live
And each time I asked myself
Does anyone really care about me?
Or am I not worth to talk to
Am I just better off my own?
Because I realized
The world is full of selfish people
That cares about nothing but themselves
And people whom they are interested in only.

Each star represents 5 times I MISS U and 5 times I LOVE YOU!

2004-10-31T19:55:00.000+08:00

as you people know that i like to fold paper stars..right?.. here is a poem i wrote about it. btw, my name means star.

A wish upon a STAR.

Such a beauty, as they lit up the sky,
Blinking their way, all through the night.
And yet how can people fail to see
Something so lovely
Something to special
In each and every star?
The hidden messages
And mystery behind glitter.

Oh, I wish upon a star.
Upon a fantastic sight of a falling star,
That you could see and feel
My feelings I’ve hide
Behind each and every
Twinkle – twinkle little star.

My darling,
I want you to know
You are every star in my life
And because of that
I fold glow-in-dark paper stars
But I only fold them
when I am thinking of you
because each star represents
five times of ‘I MISS YOU’
and five times of ‘I LOVE YOU’

Through out the years
Never one failed to fold paper stars
Each time the thought of you cross my mind.

Now folded paper stars filled my room,
All in different glow-in-dark colors,
And if you will to count them,
Then,
You will know how much
I MISS YOU and I LOVE YOU!

It's just a little CRUSH, Everytime we TOUCH!

2004-10-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

i was looking at the picture of me and a guy friend of mine when i suddently thought of writting a poem... this poem... *grins*

It’s just a little CRUSH.

Is it the way you walk?
Is it the way you smile?
Is it the way you move?
Or is it your personality
That seems appealing to me?

I’ve known you for half a year
But I don’t know you well
So what is it about you
That makes me have a crush on you?

A sense of happiness fills me
Each time you are near
Your presences is all that make my day
A day to look forward
School ends today for me,
I don’t know about you.
But this is the last for both of us coz
You will be going to university
While I will be going to college next year.
And well, I’m sitting here wondering
If we will ever meet again
Or if we will ever have the chance
to talk to each other again.
But most importantly is
Will you still remember me?
Or is it all going to end now,
After schooling days are over
And here we stand at the end of the junction,
That leads to the next turning of our lives.

I’m looking at the picture of us
that we toke the other day.
You stood so close to me
Both of us smiled as the camera flashed.
But you don’t know how much I wanted
To hold your hands, give you a kiss
And run away the very next minute
Knowing that I will be blushing all the way.

But I know that it’s all fantasy
Things that are untrue
Things that play with the heart and mind
Coz it’s just a little crush
Its just a little feeling
That remains in my heart.

Misunderstanding ME!

2004-10-24T14:21:00.000+08:00

gosh~ this was supposed to be written in my journal and not supposed to be a poem.. but I don't know why I end up writing it in a poem form... Anyway... I will post it in both sides...

Misunderstanding Stress

some of my friends said that I am too hardworking
they don't understand why I study so hard.
some of my friends said said that I am scared of exams
they just don't understand why I cried so hard.
Just because of the fact that I get very sick before major exams.

No one knows me better than myself,
therefore I want you people to know,
that I am like that because of stress...
and not because I am scared of exams.

my friends, you see..
there is a misunderstanding somewhere..
coz I get stress not because of fear,
I get stress because of pressure!

Cried

2004-10-24T13:48:00.000+08:00

I wanted to write this poem yesterday but just couldn't do it... So I wrote it today... arg!!! My neighbor is shouting now.. Again... Very frustrating....

but anyhow I still need to write this poem... Ok here goes...

Cried

Did you ever cried your heart out,
till you feel like laughing at yourself?
Did you ever hit the lowest point of your life,
till you feel it can't get any lower?

It was only yesterday,
that I felt that way.
I cried so long,
till I couldn't remember
what I was crying for
and suddently,
I burst into laughter.
At that point,
I did not know
that I was actually
crying or laughing.

What is wrong with me?
Why does everything I do
always against you?
Why does everything I do
not good enough for you?
What is wrong with me?

I know I am suppose to study now,
exams are around the corner,
But I could not help it,
but to pen down my feelings
It was suppose to be
just like any other writings,
but unintentionally it turned out to be a poem.

I did not go to church today
I could not find any reason to go.
In fact I don't even know
why I had been going to church
all these years.

Love

2004-10-23T13:57:00.000+08:00

well.. i did not write this lovely poem... coz someone else already did... and yeah.. i copy it from friendster buletin board...

Love

It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is most painful is to love someone
and never finding the courage to let the
person know how you feel.

Maybe God wants us to meet
a few wrong people
before meeting the right one
so that when we finally
meet the right person,
we should know how to be grateful for that gift.

Love is when you take away the feeling,
the passion, the romance -
and you find out you still care for that person.

A sad thing about life
is when you meet someone
that means a lot to you,
only to find out in the end,
that it was never bound to be
and you just have to let go.

When one door of happiness closes,
another opens but often we look
so long at the closed door
that we don't see the one
which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend
is the one you could sit on a porch,
and swing with,
never say a word,
and then walk away
feeling like that was the best
conversation you've had.

It's true that we don't know
what we've got until we lose it,
but it's also true that we don't know
what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love
is never an assurance that they'll love you back,
don't expect love in return,
just wait for it to grow in their
hearts but if it doesn't,
be content it grew in yours.

There are things you love to hear
but you would never hear
it from the person from whom
you would like to hear it,
but don't be deaf to hear it from the person
who says it with his heart.

Never say goodbye
when you still want to try,
never give up when
you still feel you can take it,
never say you don't love that person
anymore when you can't let go.

Love comes to those who still hope,
even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe ,
even though they've been betrayed,
need to love those who still love
even though they've been hurt before.

It takes a minute
to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone
and a day to love someone,
but it takes a lifetime
to forget someone.

Don't go for looks,
it can deceive,
don't go for wealth,
even that fades away.
Go for someone
who makes you smile
because only a smile
makes a dark day seem bright.
Hope you find that person.

There are moments in life
when you really miss someone
that you want to pick them
from your dreams
and hug them for real.
Hope you dream of that someone.

Dream what you want to dream,
go where you want to go,
be what you want to be,
cause you have only one life
and one chance to do all
the things you want in life.

May you have enough happiness
to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
enough hope to make you happy
and enough money to buy me gifts
Always put yourself in other's shoes.
If you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the person, too.

A careless word may kindle strife,
a cruel word may wreck a life,
a timely word may level stress,
a loving word may heal and bless.

The beginning of love
is to let those we love
be perfectly themselves,
and not to twist them with our own image,
otherwise, we love only
the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

The happiest of people
don't necessarily have the best of everything
they just make the most of everything
that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry,
those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate
the importance of people
who have touched their lives.

Love starts with a smile,
develops with a kiss
and ends with a tear.

The brightest future
will always be based on a forgotten past,
you can't go on well in life
until you let go of your past
failures and heartaches.

2nd chance?

2004-10-23T01:47:00.000+08:00

Second chance?

As I look back,
I remember
The first time you smiled at me.
How sweet indeed.

As I look back,
I remember
How you came over,
Introduce yourself and
Said that I was the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.

As I look back,
I remember
How I gazed into your eyes,
Under the starry sky,
Beamed and said “Thank You”

As I look back,
I remember
How we spend the night together,
Under the bright moonlight,
Sharing our thoughts and dreams together.

As I look back,
Tears flow down my cheek,
Remembering all the pleasant things,
That happened between us and
We thought would never end.

But somehow things just turned sour,
Remembering how we argue over petty things,
Instantly break my heart
And unknowingly we weren’t seeing each other anymore.

No one can be blamed,
We each had our lives to live.
No one can deny,
How we had missed the spot.

“I love you”
These words still ring in my ears,
Although it had been a long time,
Since you held my hands and said those words to me.

What about all the things you’ve said to me?
What about all the promises we’ve made together?
What about our undying love we said would never fade?
What about my love for you?

Years passed,
But do you know I still love you?
But do you know I still miss you?
But do you know I am still keeping
the first valentine card you gave me?
But do you know I still remember
all the things you’ve said to me?

Why do we have to part in the first place?
Why can’t we just sit together and talk things over?
Why can’t I just turn back time,
And make everything all right?

Now all that’s in my mind
Is how much I still love you.
How much I want to come back
to your familiar embrace.
How much I miss your
“I love you” and “Till death do us part”
like you did before.

Can we give each other a second chance,
to make it up somehow?
And not making the same silly mistakes,
That we’ve made before?

Is It Possible ? ! ? !

2004-10-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

I saw a show just now and as I see the show I begin to wonder 'Is it possible to have feelings for someone without even realizing it?' I was about to write a poem.. But lazy to think.. After a long day at school and tuition... So I only manage to finish the 1st part of the poem... See when I am free then only I will finish the whole poem.. If I am ever able to finish it lar... haha.. I don't think it looks like a poem either.. :p but never mind lar...

well... Here goes...

Is It Possible?!?!

The feelings inside me may deceive
The thoughts in mind might go haywire

But is it possible to care about someone
without me myself realizing it?

Is it possible to miss someone
without me myself realizing it?

Is is possible to love someone
without me myself realizing it?

Is it really possible?

Is it possible to have feelings for someone
but me myself did not realized it?

My head burst out with questions asking these questions..
and yet the answer is nowhere to be seen or heard...

True Friend

2004-10-19T18:08:00.000+08:00

Well.. I wrote this poem right after I came back from school today... Wasn't feeling very glad either... Ok here goes...

True Friend

Please tell me,
I need to know,
What is a true friend?
Is there a true friend?

There are many questions in my head,
How should a true friend be?
Where can I find him/her ?
or does true friend really exist?

Friends come, friends go,
Neither one that I can find
I can put my trust on,
Neither one I can find
I can truly depend on.

I sit alone,
looking around,
at everyone me,
that I call my friends.

"It's all so fake!"
These words burst outta my mouth,
Strange stares all around me,
But none can feel the feeling inside of me,
The feeling that I felt,
The feeling that all of them are so fake,
Like as if wearing a mask on to hide their 'real' face.

I look around silently,
When they are not realizing,
Only to see,
What I had not expected,
That is their true colors.

Friends that cheat on me,
Friends that take advantage of me,
Friends that are nice to me,
but talked behind my back.

After all these years,
my trust melted away,
I no longer can trust,
like the way I do before.

The hurt is deep within me,
I am very numb now,
No longer is there pain
when friends deceive.

Despite my experience,
I have not loose hope
or yet, I think,
And I will always be searching
Forever more my true friend.

A friend to share my deepest desire,
A friend to lean on when I'm tired,
A friend to catch me, A friend to hold me,
When I fall to the steepest valley.

A friend that appreciate my presents,
A friend that is sincere and honest,
A friend that does not discriminate my lacking,
A friend that will hold my hand
and walk with me through the ups and downs of life.

True friend of mine, where art thou?

My true friend,
when I've found you,
I promise to be your true friend too,
but I too am human
and I might fail sometimes
I am not perfect,
and so I don't expect you to be, too.

Whether or not I find you
I will still have to stop writing now,
Therefore wherever you are, my true friend
I hope you will be my dream come true.

My friends's poem... Sweet Twenty

2004-10-17T18:46:00.000+08:00

B-Boy in B-Danz wrote:
i call it SWEET TWENTY... here goes...

*******************************************************
Finally you are twenty,
Young and fresh and pretty,
Time to show of your beauty.

Hang on, think carefully,
Life ain’t just physically,
But what you got, mentally.

Of cause, friends and family,
Spend time with them happily,
Cherish their present fully.

After all these, and lastly,
The most important thingy,
Wishing you sweet twenty.
*******************************************************

Untitled

2004-10-16T14:05:00.000+08:00

i wrote this when i couldn't sleep yesterday...

It's 4:35am now,
I'm still awake
Staring at the wall
thinking only of you.

I feel like calling you,
I want to call you!
But I couldn't bear waking you up
At this hour of the day

You said I could call you,
regardless the time
But will I only be disturbing you?
If I really do so.

Why are you always in my mind?
Now all I am doing is thinking of you
I can't get you outta my head
Is this the sign of love?
Am I in love?

Each time I think of you
I would smile
Remembering all you've said to me
Gives me joy and happiness.

But somehow I have little faith and trust
What if there were little lies in your words?
I keep asking myself again and again.
How am I to know,
What you are saying is the truth...

SPM poem

2004-10-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

Exams

Exams can be depressing
Why are they such a curse
You can do all the studying
But yet your bubble bursts

Everything falls apart
And again you're left behind
Why not the passing mark
Why can't they be more kind

You could really try your best
And it still wouldn't be enough
It's not like you've worked less
Sometimes it's luck that's tough

Make some dumb mistake
And everything just crumbles
Oh what really does it take
I'm gonna lose my marbles

If you're thinking I'm depressed
Then have one worry less
Its not me that gets so sad
But others get hit bad

They are so pressured for perfection
That failure sparks reaction
Be it from within
Or teachers, friends and kin

For these people I often wonder
If there's anything I could offer
To help them ease the pain
Or maybe just keep them sane

Are there words of wisdom?
May I pen them in a poem?
That will work like penicillin
And wipe their worries clean?

No solution can be found
Nothing I can put down
Beyond all earthly answers
I can only offer them my prayers

That's my divine solution
With that, a perfect conclusion
Now leave me alone to wonder
Why I worry so much for others

haha.. no i did not write this poem... i 'stole' if from Andrew's webpage coz i find it interesting...

Phone

2004-10-09T13:46:00.000+08:00

was doing my eknonomi revision, when I suddenly look at my handphone...
the thought of him just came up to my mind... and I decided to write this down before I forget the lines... I name it Phone coz I was looking at my handphone when I was thinking what to write...

Phone

Hello!
I heard your voice,
Blood rushed up my face,
I coundn't speak
Hello!! Hello??
I'm stuck, I'm lost.

I stared at my phone,
Tears flow down my cheek,
Oh! I wanted so much to call you,
I wanted so much to talk to you,
I wanted so much to tell you,
I LOVE YOU.

I wanted so much to listen to your voice,
I wanted so much to know you better,
I wanted so much to ask you "How are you today?"
I wanted so much to know how you feel.

You said I could call you,
You told me you would be there,
Yes, that's what you said.
Yes, that's what I've heard.

I'm confused,
I don't understand,
What if it was just mere saying?
What if all you were doing
was fooling around with me?

I'm scared,
What if I called
and you were busy?
What if all I am doing
is just disturbing your peace.

You said you would call,
When? I asked myself.
or are you actually saying it
just for fun?

I'm waiting,
I'm waiting,
Patience is not what I always have,
but I keep waiting,
Thinking you would
someday call.

Daddy Dearest,

2004-10-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

well.. i read the book A Peak In To The Father's Heart by Irene Swan and i suddently felt that my relationship with the Father Lord had gone luke worm or cold...

Daddy Dearest,
Show me more
Oh Lord,
Show me more
Show me more
of you each day.

I hunger for you
more and more each day.
I thurst for you
more and more each day.

Seek and you shall find,
But to me you seem so far away,
Ask and it shall be given,
But I don’t know how Lord,
Teach me Dear Lord,
I seek for you, Oh Lord
I ask of you, Oh Lord

To give me a glimse of You,
To understand You more,
To be closer to You,
To be in love with You.

It's hard to describe
how i'm feeling.
All i want now
is to wait upon you.
I need you more,
I want you more,
Your presence is all
that meant to me.

How can i find You, Lord?
How can I seek You, Lord?
Where do I find You, Lord?
Where do I seek You, Lord?

I'm lost
nether words not actions
could describe
how I am feeling now,
Oh Lord.

I need you,
I want you,
Oh! Daddy dearest hear me
hear me cry out
'I want to be closer to You!'

How can it happen?
When can it start?
Oh, Lord please help me
to know You better.

Inspiration

2004-10-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

I dedicate this to you Andrew.. Ok here goes...

I cannot forget the first time I saw you
You were the star, You were the light,
I felt my knees shaking, I nearly melted away,
By just seeing you, I could faint.

From the time you sang
Man Bai's song 'Kau Ilhamku'
till the sun falls down
You will always be the best
the best of the best
the best to me

Your deep voice
Your good looks
you are the one
when it comes to singing

Unintentionally to myself
You are my inspiration
in things that I do
I look up to you
In everything I do
You are like a messenger
a messenger from God to me.

Andrew, you are a light
a very bright light
a light that will shine
unto the world

Thank you for being my "ILHAM'

btw Andrew's webside is really cool...
i like all his poems and pictures... they r all great....
http://ndrew.allseeks.com/

erm.. here is another one .. an interview with him...
http://203.115.194.76/purplesofa/story.asp?file=/2004/10/6/psofa/9054871&sec=psofa

Without YOU!!!

2004-10-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

haha.. if you can figure out who or what i am refering to in this poem, then i'll give you a treat but only the 1st one that run to me and tell me the answer... :p

One day without you
makes my life incomplete
One day without you
I cannot sleep

you are important
yes you are
I dare not think
What would it be like
without you in my life

You were there
when I needed you the most
not always
but you stay ever faithful

you maked me smile
when I was down
you hold me close
and dried my tears

Many a times
My life was falling apart
Without hesitation
you picked me up
Make me forget the hell
I've been through

Unhappy

2004-10-05T10:10:00.000+08:00

I wrote this when over depression.. over my studies... well.. you can figure out the rest about this poem .. that is written too long....

Exhausted, I am
Depress, I am
Tired, I am
Frustrated

All the anger
turned to energy
With all my might
I ran that machine
Sweat dripping down my face
I feel like shouting and
forgetting everything in my head.

I know you knew,
I was never happy,
Yet you still persist,
Thinking it was the best for me.

Deep inside
it hurts so much
As all I felt
was meaningless in my life

I'm crying now
I'm crying now
Many a times I tried not to
Not to cry and make things worst.

Why did you do this to me?
My dear,
Making me think
life was all about it
I know you meant well
'It'll help you in your future' you say
But did you care how I felt?
Did it ever cross your mind
that I am so fed up
because all I was doing
was just to make you happy

I feel sick now
Don't you know I had enough?
The same routine day after day
Didn't you know I did my BEST?
it was always the best I had done

11 years,
11 years an't a short time
And yet I persist
not to give up
every time I fall
But you weren't satisfied
By saying you were disappointed

I had enough
After all these years
Sick and tired
I wasted 11 years
I was never happy
didn't you see?
I was never happy

Oh! How I wish
I could just press rewind
or is it the forward button
that is better for me

My hands are shaking now
Never would I confront you
with all the things in my mind
Knowing perfectly well
what would you do
if I told it all to you

When problems arose
I could not see
I could not find
Anyone around
to hold me, to comfort me
or just to be there for me

I feel stronger now
Stronger to live my life
yes, thanks to you
because people around
are never reliable
unintentionally
you taught me that
nobody could be trusted.

I'm only sixteen
and with an in-matured mind
Now I am thinking
What am I doing?
writing this silly poem
that doesn't even rhymes.