We grew up...

At the sushi bar we sat - we chatted,
Feeding each other with a bit more information about our life.
It felt as though it's been so long since we've actually catch up.
You and I

At the sushi bar we sat - we wondered,
After all these years of knowing each other
Neither one of us have thought that we would be who we are today.
So much had changed in us.

At the sushi bar we sat - I observed,
The way you sit, eat and behave.
You did not change a bit.
You were still the Eric that I once knew.

At the sushi bar we sat - I realized,
Our situation, perception, temptation, struggles and the road we choose to take
There were so similar in a way...
Yet our stands makes us different.


At the sushi bar - We understood.
We grew up.
At the sushi bar we sat- We made a promise.
Ten years from now
we will come back to the sushi bar
and talk again, like 'old' times.

3am

It’s times like this that I miss you the most.
The cold lonely nights at 3am.
It seems just like yesterday that I felt that you were here.
The warmth of your embrace, your body next to mine

I close my eyes as you gently slide your fingers to hold mine.
Holding me like you would never let me go.
Giving me the best feeling that even sight couldn’t comprehend.
As I fall asleep slowly by your side.

It’s times like this that I try not to open my eyes,
For I fear that you would just disappear into thin air, just like a dream.
And sometimes I wonder if you felt the same.
If only I know who you are.
If only I know.

The Heart.

Give it a thought, go search the heart and find what happened inside.
Lying to the mind that the wound isn’t there and there’s always hope.
Even with the big horrid cut with additional deep stabs around it, so obvious.
Will it ever heal or would the wounds get infected more.
Look deeper inside and ponder more, would hoping really help?
Hoping for anything that would not let your wounds slowly kill you.
Instead, as day by day passes, emptiness wipes the fears, hurts and hopes away.
It vacuums the heart and makes it meaningless to do anything about it.
Numbness would be the only feeling left and the heart would feel no more.
So now, let the heart convince the mind that there is nothing here for me anymore.

Hands still shaking
I don’t know what prompt me to look through the photos
I thought I was going to be fine
Or though I am fine.

Panting breathlessly as I just sit here
Silence, with the picture of you and I.
Mere movements of images in it.
Reminded me of the pain.

Pause, ponder upon the past.
I know blaming you for the hurt was wrong.
Yes, the problem lies in me too.
All that love leaves me with is fear.

Deception.

Just when I though emotions gave up on me
And feelings fail me
I am proven guilty.

Saying I did not miss you seems so wrong.
As I look out from the glass window,
My reflection, right next to you
We touch. Almost.

That same brown jacket you wear
That had the smell I am almost too fond of.
It reminds me of the warm feeling of your embrace.
Was it just yesterday that you held me close to you?
Whispering to me, reminding me of how much you love me.

Hold on. Am I losing you?
Or it was I, which dare not face the fact that I can’t call you mine anymore.
My hands feel so cold now. The words fade away swiftly. You seem too far away.

Saying that I do miss you seems too awkward.
As I look out from the glass window.
Gazing at each move you make.
You stayed in my sight for only a minute or two,
Yet, I have to admit that I could feel a little again,
Having those memories we shared deep within me brings me to another day of deception.
To another level of feelings that I, myself can not be sure if I would survive any longer.

From a third point of view.

You really make me wonder.
If there's something that you had been hiding.
Something dark that you are ashamed to disclose.
Why the pragmatic self?
And the reason for your action is?
Have you been allowing your heart to turn cold?
I feel the tense around us.
Doesn't tears help lighten the pain?
Why the anger, frustration and depress thoughts?
I see bitterness; it overwhelmed you, didn't it?
Why not speak it out?
Have you lost faith in those around you and even yourself?
Please don't pretend to be all-so-strong. You know you aren't!

Why do you still dwell in bitterness of the past?

Maybe things might be better if I did pack my bags that other day.
Fly off to another place and time where my heart longs for.
Maybe that would ease the hurt that I've held for so long.
Away from the trauma of waking up to the irony of it all.

Deception, STOP following me.
I just want to run...
Run from the truth, everything and everyone else.

The cut in my heart, the blood on my hands.
I've earn it all. My doings. My faults.
Regrets, I have too many

When would I learn to let go?
When would I stop blaming others and myself for my fate?
The ego that I had detained within,
Will it be my weakness forever?

The consequences of my mistakes,
Even 'sorry' would never be enough to obtain forgiveness.
Foolishness of the past, will always linger.

Sister's Love

My only sis,

Looking back all these years,
I thank God for you.
A sister that He forgot to give me in blood relation.
But even so, I would have loved you the same.

We used to have so much to argue about.
Although there’s still not much different now.
We eventually accepted the fact that,
We were so different in our own way.

Through out the years
We’ve grown so much.
And I believe so did our love for each other.

The love we share, would last for eternity.
They say blood is thicker than water.
But not in our situation.

All that we’ve been through.
I want to thank you for everything.

THIS you must know.
That I would not give up on you.
And that I would always love you.

So don’t you dare think that you’re alone.
You have me.
Through the hard times,
Please remember me and know that I would be here for you.

Love always,
Esther